Not Tonight
by StarnightSam
Summary: Had they really left it too long?  Or was there someone else stopping this “thing between” them this time?
1. Chapter 1

_**Had they really left it too long? Or was there someone else stopping this "thing between" them this time?**_

**Not Tonight By StarnightSam**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. Just playing with them. No money for me, not intending to infringe or keep them. These wonderful characters do not belong to me; they are the property of their creators! Thanks for the use of them, I really enjoy them! **

Chapter One

Colonel Samantha Carter sat at the end of a bar on a stool she had occupied every night for the last three weeks, since her return from Atlantis. She had asked for and received a transfer from her command of Atlantis. She had loved the assignment which had lasted three years. But she was lonely and let's fact it, no one there exactly fit her want list.

Sure, Ronon and John were both sexy as all get out, not to mention Lorne. She'd even started to actually like Rodney. Not only did she feel they were off limits to her because she was their commanding officer, but her heart was held too tightly by someone else. Someone else that she didn't think gave a tinker's damn about her, at least not the way she wanted him to.

Sam sat thinking of all that she had left behind. To say that she was depressed was much too light. She was bordering on a full blown breakdown. Atlantis had not been an easy assignment. There was a constant threat from the Wrath even now, though they had made a significant dent in their numbers. And of course one could not forget the Replicators. Those sneaky sob's always posed a problem. Just as you thought you had destroyed them; they seemed to resurrect.

And she missed her family. Not just her biological family, but Daniel, Teal'c and Cass. She even missed Cam and Vala, hell she missed Vala a lot. She was as close to a real girlfriend since Janet Frazier. She snickered to herself. 'You can't even think to yourself that you miss him.'

Sam had tried really hard to put him out of her mind. So much so, that she wouldn't allow his name, or even his title to repeat itself in her mind any longer. She had been so hurt and disillusioned by his rejection of her that she couldn't bring herself to even consider him her friend any longer. It was the real reason she had so readily accepted the Atlantis assignment.

Two years of waiting, from the time of their trip to the cabin right after her father's death to her appointment to Commander of Atlantis, was all she allowed herself. She was done waiting for one Major General Jack O'Neill. She intended to "get that life" he'd always demanded of her. Only Sam didn't know where to start.

He sat at a small table obscured by the curve of the end of the bar. He had been there watching over her every night for three weeks, from the first night she had made it her permanent nightly residence. He had followed her from her house as he did each night thereafter. His heart hurt for her. But he had no clue as to what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but she'd never in a million years go for that. Not with him.

He couldn't help but want to take care of her; it had been his job for so long. He had worried himself sick the whole time she had been in Atlantis. Now she was home. At least she was much safer here; he wouldn't have to wait for her name to appear in the obituaries.

He knew she could take care of herself, she'd proven it over and over. She'd even saved his sorry ass. But it was different now, he could tell. Something was off with her. He wished he had the courage to just sit by her. Maybe she'd talk to him. Maybe not. He knew that she would leave with the first man that paid just a little attention to her, as she had every night this week; but it wouldn't be him. Not now.

He watched as she ordered another drink. He knew she could hold her liquor as while as any man, but he'd watched her night after night get very drunk. That really worried him. He couldn't figure out what could cause Sam such pain that she had to drown it this long and this hard. It wasn't like her. He knew. He knew everything there was to know about Samantha Carter. He'd made it his business to know.

They had arrived early evening and had been in the bar well over three hours. He noticed as Sam became really agitated. He watched her eyes follow the couple that just entered the bar. 'Oh damn! Not him. No wonder she's suddenly a mess,' he thought.

He watched as the man walked to the bar to order drinks. Sam turned away hoping he wouldn't see her. It didn't work. He knew the General would notice Sam anywhere. He had a sixth sense as to her presence. She was like a magnet where he was concerned.

She turned her head just a little and there he was almost in her face. "Oh, you scared me," she almost shouted in slurred words.

"Hey, Carter. You look good. How's things? I haven't seen you in what, three years now?" He asked in a soft low voice that still turned her insides to mush.

He was lying. She looked like hell. She knew what she looked like. She was just drunk enough to forget he was still a superior officer; but not drunk enough to forget he had been what she'd wanted for over 13 years. But not once in that 13 years had he wanted her, not in her mind anyway. Just looking at him made her mad, almost fighting mad. How dare he act like he was her long lost best friend!

She was there to pick up a man. One who wouldn't make her think of him. What was he doing here anyway?! He was supposed to be in DC. Who was the woman this time? Oh, never mind. It made no difference who General O'Neill took to his bed; it sure would never be her.

Jack was trying to read her eyes. They had always been so good at reading each other without words. He had really missed her, but he'd never be able to tell her that. She had made her decision three years ago, when she accepted the Atlantis assignment. He had always hoped for a chance with Sam, but had finally realized she was too important and too young for him. She was barely over forty; well actually she was 43 and four months. He knew to the day how old she was. He knew everything about Samantha Carter. He'd made it his business.

"You didn't think I saw you, did you," he said, leaning a little into her. He loved her smell. Always had. Always. That hadn't turned out so good. He'd made a promise he hadn't been able to keep. He'd really wanted to, but it was too hard to be around Sam and not be with her. He had wanted all of her, but he knew that she wasn't ready. So he'd tried to let her go. She had so much potential and he had never been able to stand in the way of her career. He was just not that selfish.

"I don't give a damn if you did nor not. Sir! Just go and leave me the hell alone," she spat the words at him. The General was floored. What had he done to her, especially to make her this angry? He hadn't even talked to her since she shipped out to Atlantis.

At first, after going to DC, he had thought she would let him know when she was on down time, even secretly prayed that she would want to be with him. But she hadn't. Why was she so mad now?

He quickly realized that she was drunk. "Carter, maybe you need to let me take you home. You don't appear to be holding that stuff too well."

She picked up her drink and started to fling it at the General; but before she could someone moved in between them, holding her tight and took the glass from her hands.

"You don't want to do that, Sam," he whispered in her ear. Then speaking where all could hear him, "Sam, I'm sorry I'm late. Hope you didn't have to wait too long." Then his lips came down on hers.

TBC

End Notes: Needed a break from Moebius, and this just wouldn't leave me alone! Had to get it out of my head so I can finish Moebius. Any and all comments are most appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Not Tonight **

By StarnightSam

_Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. Just playing with them. No money for me, not intending to infringe or keep them. These wonderful characters do not belong to me; they are the property of their creators! Thanks for the use of them, I really enjoy them! _

Chapter Two

_Notes: Before anyone gets upset! Read the title of this piece. " Not Tonight" indicates nothing happens between this kind stranger and Sam! It's all her idea anyway, and she doesn't know who he is! Yet! _

Sam was in shock. She knew that smell and those eyes. Her mind had shut down. Her lips were responding to the lips she knew should have belonged to that smell. She had kissed him once before; so she vaguely remembered his lips.

Feeling extremely uncomfortable, General O'Neill cleared his throat, "Well, I guess you'll be okay, then. I, uh ..em should go." Turning away fast, he almost ran over Natalie; he hadn't realized she was at the bar. He grabbed her arm and started to walk away; but stopped to look back at Sam. She was staring daggers through him. He was still baffled. He caught just a glimpse of the man. He knew he should know him, but things were happening so fast he didn't have time to think.

Natalie was pulling him away; it was obvious she wasn't happy with this drunk blond or his attitude toward her. She had been warned by friends, of his feelings for the illusive "Colonel Carter." But she'd had the General's full attention for well over six months; she really hadn't believed anyone could come between them. Now she wasn't so sure, maybe there was something to the rumors.

Sam's attention was drawn back to the man who had saved her. Oh, she had to admit, she'd enjoyed the kiss. She was to drunk and mad to resist. Besides hadn't she come here to find a man to take home? She had missed the intimacy of a close physical relationship while on Atlantis; she hadn't been so much as kissed the three years she was assigned there. Only problem was that Sam had only been intimate with men she cared about.

What she'd been doing the last weeks, was dangerous and way out of character for her. But she didn't care; she was trying too hard to drowned out the feelings that coming back home had brought up.

She missed Jack. Even though they'd never been intimate; being around him had been enough to keep her going for well over eight years. Now, she felt completely alone and deserted. Seeing him with another woman glued to his side certainly didn't help her delicate self-esteem.

She'd only been back to the States three or four times in three years; mainly to see Cass, Daniel and Vala. Teal'c spent most of his time on Dakara now; she'd only run into him once in the last three years.

After being held in that time warp for fifty years, according to Tealc, he seemed to avoid her. Or maybe that was just part of her insecurity; it hurt Sam nonetheless. She really missed Tealc's strong support. Cam was married to the girl he'd reconciled with at his high school reunion, she couldn't remember her name; but she knew he was really happy.

The gorgeous man holding her whispered in her ear, "Sam, let's get out of here."

"Thanks for that, with the General," she said, looking up at him. He was standing by her stool; and still holding onto her shoulders with both hands.

"Think nutten' of it." Sam knew she must be dreaming, because she could still hear 'his' voice. Or was she just that drunk. She'd found the drunker she was the more she could pretend it was "the General in her bed," not just some pickup in a bar whom she'd never see again. She could also justify to herself her night life with the fact that she was so drunk.

But his voice threw her. It made her take a good look at him. "Do I know you? I know I'm drunk, but you look so familiar." And extremely young, she added in her thoughts.

"Let's just get you home, Sam. We'll talk on the way, okay?"

She was too tired and drunk to put up any fuss. She picked up her purse and let him lead her out of the bar. Sam stumbled just as they reached the car and his arms went around her; drawing her close. She really liked his smell. It was really turning her on. Her arms went around his neck and she pulled his face down to kiss him; but he stopped her.

"What? You seemed to like kissing me inside," she complained, words slurred.

"I do like it, Sam. Just not here, okay?" There was something in his voice, even drunk, that she picked up on as rejection. She was a master at reading that, now. She'd been fooled for eight long years. She'd sworn to herself, after her attempt with the General, she'd never throw herself at any man again. Never. Drunk or not.

"If you don't want me, tell me now. I can't play any more games with men. I want sex, nothing more. If you don't, let me go back to the bar," she impatiently stated.

He just hugged her tight. He heart was breaking. He didn't know what to do; but he couldn't let her go back inside. He refused to watch her pick up another stranger again. He still had no glue as to what to do with her; but he'd never walk away from her the way his friends had him.

He guided her into his car, put her inside and reached across her to lock her seat belt. She surprised him by grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him. Not just a soft kiss, but she rammed her tongue into his mouth.

It wasn't arousing to Jon, even though he loved her; but it did Sam. Just what was he going to do with her? He wanted her more that life itself, always had. But her welfare always came first with him. He didn't give a darn if she was sixteen or thirteen years-depending on how you counted it- his senior, but he knew she'd have a fit when she realized who he was. But right now, he intended to make sure she got home safe and alone. She might not even remember him tomorrow.

He knew he'd changed so much in last eight years that she didn't recognize him. He'd been sixteen, almost seventeen, when the then Colonel O'Neill had dropped him off at high school. That'd only lasted two months before he went screaming to Hammond. High school had not been for him.

General Hammond had managed to get him into the Air Force the day he turned seventeen. He'd moved quickly up the ranks, with Hammond's help using some of his previous training and education to fill in his military record.

His file had been permanently changed. His age had been changed to twenty six the year he'd turned twenty two so that Hammond could promote him Captain. He'd served, unknown to SG1, doing undercover work to help weed out the Trust for the last eight years. He was now twenty-nine, according to his military ID; but his mind was fifty-five. His life experiences said he was fifty-five. He had lived with the terrible joke that had been played on him; but it had not been easy and he had done it alone.

Jon had lost everything that had ever meant anything to him, including his own life and his name. One's name contains one's identity. Other than Sam and his team, it had been the hardest to give up. He'd like being called Jack. It was the nick name his beloved grandfather had given him.

He couldn't help how the little gray aliens had changed his body. In his mind and heart he was still Colonel Jack O'Neill; that was something no one or anything could change. He had eventually accepted that it was his face in the mirror; but it didn't change how he viewed himself in his own mind; but he was still a junior officer to Sam. Like it or not.

He was one gorgeous man. Women trailed after him like cats in heat. He was tall at least six two; dark brown hair, with sandy highlights; abs to die for; long muscular, lean and toned body; legs of an athlete; and his face was more on the side of beautiful than handsome, with dark chocolate eyes that one could drown in.

But Jon had never had a steady woman in his life. He'd had a lot of sex, but never a real love affair. His heart had always belonged to one woman and one woman only. She was always the one he ended up with, until morning dawned that is and the woman in his bed wasn't Sam.

The last thing he wanted was to hurt her; but he had no intention of taking advantage of her. He was still Jack O'Neill, warts and all; no matter what his appearance or ID said. His character had not changed, nor had his sense of right and wrong. But that didn't help when her hand landed too high up his thigh.

"Damn it, you lied to me. You aren't interested in me. Turn this car around or stop and let me out! Now!" Her voice continually increased in volume with each word.

"Sam, just wait, please 'til we get home. Okay? It'll be okay," he begged.

"No, I want to go back. I told you what I want," her lips pouting.

"I'm taking you home."

"You staying?"

He didn't answer; but he grabbed her hand and squeezed. He continued to hold her hand. Nothing else was said until they reached her house.

"How'd you know where I live? Do I know you?" She slurred, half asleep.

"No, I don't think you know me; and you told me where you live."

"No, I didn't." Maybe she wasn't as drunk as she appeared; or maybe that big brain of hers just didn't shut down even drunk. She watched as he got out of the car and walked around to her side of the car. There was just something so familiar about him; even his walk reminded her of …. No!

She didn't want to be reminded of him. Not tonight. Not with this sexy, young hunk opening her door. He was the best looking man Sam had ever seen; and Colonel Samantha Carter liked what she saw.

Yeahsureyabetch! No! Don't think that word! Get that man out of my mind. Please.

TBC in chapter Three

End notes: _All reviews appreciated. Thanks to those how have reviewed! _


	3. Chapter 3

**Not Tonight **

**by StarnightSam**

_**Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. Just playing with them. No money for me, not intending to infringe or keep them. These wonderful characters do not belong to me; they are the property of their creators! Thanks for the use of them, I really enjoy them! **_

**Chapter Three **

It was all Jack could do to make his way to his truck, Natalie still holding his arm. He was in shock. Why had Carter acted that way? He just didn't have a clue, but it was tearing his insides up. He actually thought he was having chest pains.

The look in Sam's eyes had hurt. She had been the most important woman in his life, even more than Sara; she was the model he used to compare all women. And no one measured up.

Not even the beautiful and gracious lady that had shown him so much love in the last few months. He had not been able to get Carter out of his mind; but Nat had eased the pain of her absence. He cared a lot about Nat, but he knew he'd never love her as he did his Carter. There was no one who would ever be able to replace her.

He had tried hard to forget her. After the mess he'd made of her attempt at getting them together; he'd had a hard time facing her. She had made her wishes known. She wanted a relationship with him; but he felt it was too soon after her father's death and her break up with Pete. He definitely didn't want a rebound relationship with Sam. His idea had been to give her time to get over the hurt; he knew she felt the loss of her father and Pete.

As was the norm, he was not only bad with words; but he really made a mess of trying to explain his feelings for her. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that he loved her. He thought she knew. He really had.

He tried to explain the problems that their having an intimate relationship would have on her career advancement. Since most everything in her personal file was classified, he didn't want anyone to think that Samantha Carter had slept her way up the ladder. He just wanted to give it a little time; so it wouldn't look as if they had been having an affair.

Sam didn't buy it. She took his half-assed explanation as rejection, only Jack hadn't known just how much it had hurt her. Jack never knew that he had completely and totally broken her heart. So the door to their room was slammed shut and this time Sam had no intentions of ever opening it. After a few months of avoided phones and emails, Jack just thought she didn't want him that way.

Jack was remembering some of the things they had said to each other, trying to figure out what he'd don't to cause her to hate him. He was just clueless. Maybe Daniel had some idea. He had told Jack that Sam still confided in him. If he wanted to know about Sam, he ask Daniel.

"Jack, are we going to sit here all night," Nat asked, snapping him out of inner turmoil.

"What? Oh, no," he said as he cranked his truck and backed out of the parking lot. Nat tried to talk to him on the drive, but he never answered her. His mind was with Carter and that man. He couldn't get the image of him kissing her out of his mind. Jealousy had burned through his body like a blast from a staff weapon.

As much as he'd always wanted to, the only time that Jack had ever kissed Sam was during that time loop many years ago. And of course, when the alien virus had infected them, she had attacked him. But that was different. She wasn't herself when that happened.

And the man! Who was he? He was so very familiar. Jack couldn't stop seeing them in his mind. The image became more and more vivid. He thought his head would burst.

"Jack, are you alright?"

"Jack."

"Jack, answer me, you're scaring me."

"What? … What, Nat?"

"I've never seen you like this. What did that woman do to you?"

"Nothing, she's never done a thing to me, except save my sorry ass several times. I let her down somehow. I just don't know how," he voiced, sad and low as if he didn't realize he said it out loud.

"Well, I'd like to tell her a thing or two about manners and how she should respect a superior officer. Jack, you should have never let her get away with that."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I always let her get away with anything she wanted. She's so smart, brainy actually. You could call her an egg-head. But she could come up with the wildest ideas that saved our butts." His face had softened just thinking of the good times with Carter and his lips held a slight curve.

"Well, I don't like her. I'm glad she's out of our lives."

"You're wrong, Nat, Carter will never be out of my life. Not 'til I die. I love her. Always have. I just was too old for her, couldn't bring myself to try with her. Didn't want to damage her career," he paused, his words spoken from the bottom of his heart, expressed so much love and affection. "I'm sorry if that hurts you. Just thought you should know."

"What are you saying, Jack?" She asked, not liking anything he'd said about this woman.

"Nothing, really. Just remembering what was and what never will be," he said sadly.

"Jack, do you have feelings for me or not? 'Cause I sure thought you did. If I've wasted this last six months on a man who doesn't love me, I'm going be very hurt." They had pulled up to her house and Jack stopped the truck. He opened the truck door to get out.

"Jack, you didn't answer me."

He looked at her sadly, "No, I didn't. Yes, I have feelings for you. Can we not talk about this any more?"

"No, I mean we have to talk about this. I have to know what you feel Jack. Please, come inside. I'll make coffee and we can talk."

"Nothing to talk about, I have feelings for you. Carter's out of my life, her choice. It's real simple."

"Come inside?"

"I don't know, Nat, I'm just not good company tonight."

"I can help. Let me love you Jack. Let me take her from your mind."

"You know it's funny. I never noticed until tonight how much you look like her. Tall, blond, long shapely legs, beautiful body, beautiful face, blue eye, your hair is just like hers used to be." He was looking at the gorgeous woman in his truck as if it was the first time he really saw her. His sex life with her had been good; but he kept his eyes closed most of the time, so he could see Carter.

"Jack, I don't like where this is going. Maybe you're right. Go home, let's sleep on this. And talk tomorrow."

"Jack, I do love you." With that she leaned over to kiss him, but he didn't kiss her back. Their lips met briefly and Jack pulled away.

"Yeah, good idea, go home, sleep." He got out, walked to her side of the truck and led her to the door.

"I'm sorry, this happened, Nat. I'll be better tomorrow."

She kissed his lips again, very briefly; and went inside her house. Natalie closed the door and leaned against it, tears streaming down her face. She had been down this road before and recognized all the road signs. She knew the destination, and she didn't like the end of this trip.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack just drove. He couldn't bring himself to go home. He'd decide to keep his house here in the Springs after it stayed on the market too long to suit him. He was glad he had. Cass had needed a place to stay during semester breaks after Sam had gone to Atlantis; and it was nice to have a 'home' to come to when he wanted to visited his friends.

Cass had saved him. She was his daughter in every since of the word, except biological. He loved her more than anything or anyone, except for Carter. She was currently in pre-med, and he was extremely proud.

He finally realized that he was circling Carter's street. He kept looking for her car or any vehicle in the drive, there wasn't any. He didn't have a clue as to why or what he was doing there or what he'd do if she showed up.

He kept driving, but this time he headed to his home. He sat in a daze in his drive for a long time. He replayed the scene from the bar over and over in his mind. Something was off. Not just that Carter was drunk and angrier at him than he'd ever seen her, but something about that man felt wrong.

He couldn't think why. But something kept pulling at his mind. Who was that guy? He wished he could have seen his face better. He only got a look at the back of his head, but he could see a little of his profile when he was kissing Carter. Looked like she'd been waiting for him, maybe that's why she was drunk? She was angry because the man was late? He looked young enough to be his son. Damn! How could an old man ever compete with a young stud like that! Whoa! Where'd that thought come from?

Jack got out of the truck and went inside. He went straight to the liquor cabinet. Yeah, that's exactly what he needed right now, a double scotch. But it didn't erase the image of Carter kissing someone else.

In all the years they had worked together, including her time with Petey boy, Jack had never seen her kiss another man. Daniel had told him of several times, like he wanted to hear it; but he'd managed to stay away whenever she had a date for any of their events.

He was feeling the effects of the scotch. He couldn't stop thinking of her. Thinking turned into longing and longing turned into desire as it always did. Before he realized what was happening, his body was letting him know what thinking of Sam did to him.

If only he'd handled her declaration of love better. Why had he been so stupid! Now five years were down the road, Carter thought he'd never loved her, and he'd missed out on the best thing that had ever been offered to him.

'Yeah, Nat, I'm sorry, but I love her,' he thought out loud. Several hours after returning home and drinking half the bottle of scotch, he suddenly decided he had to know why she was so mad at him. He had to fix it.

TBC in Chapter Four

End notes: _All reviews appreciated. Thanks all who have reviewed! _


	4. Chapter 4

**Not Tonight by StarnightSam**

**Chapter Four**

Sam watched as Jon came around the car to open the door for her. She couldn't shake the feeling that she knew him. Everything about the man was familiar, yet she knew, even drunk, she'd never met him before. She'd have remembered someone so good looking, so well built and tall. Tall, dark and handsome sure described him. Indeed! Yeah, she missed Teal'c. Wonder why I haven't seen him?

Sam's mind was in turmoil, running from one thought to another. Like a computer with divided screens, images were assaulting her. The thought of Teal'c brought back the scene from the cabin, the infamous trip to the cabin. The day she'd made a total fool of herself. No, don't go there, not tonight. Please.

Jon opened the door, and held out his hand to her. It was all she could to do to make her legs obey. Sam stumbled as she started to walk down the sidewalk. Jon's hand holding hers was the only think that kept her from falling. He grabbed for her waist as she slipped, managing to haul her up and into his arms, he carried her to the door.

"Keys?" he asked.

"Purse." Sam was so busy enjoying the ride and the smell of this man in her drunken state; she couldn't speak except in one-word sentences. 'Wait, smell, no one should smell like this but Jack. No not Jack, the General,' she thought. With the affects of the liquor and the drive, Sam was almost out of it. She had half-dozed during most of the ride, and as it does, the intoxication levels seemed to increase by leaps and bounds as it took over her.

"I love him," she whispered as Jon set her down at her front door. He wondered was this the norm for her. If so, maybe that's why she returned to the bar every night, if she got this drunk, it was impossible for anything physical to happen. Unless the guy was into one-sided sex that bordered on rape. Yeah, there were guys like that; he just hoped Sam hadn't found any of them.

"He hurt me," she whispered. Jon decided to see if she would tell him what had happened between her and the General, he really thought she was talking about him. He knew something must have occurred between them. He knew for certain that before his life had been split into, the 'then Colonel' had plans deep in his heart for them.

The Colonel had planned to act on his feelings just as soon as possible, that was before his life stopped. He knew that she had felt the same. He just knew. He could also pick up from Sam's reaction to the General tonight and her current musings, that she still loved the General. Her life and her love had continued to grow, to evolve into something more; but it had been without him around. And he couldn't understand why the General was not with Sam.

He still didn't have any of the facts about the whole Pete thing; but he knew for sure how the General felt about Pete. Yeah, he felt the exact same way. He would have stopped that little side show in a minute if he had been around; but he had been heavily involved in the undercover investigation to identify the trust members during the time that Sam had been engaged.

He had not been to the Springs the whole year that the General had been Commander of the base. General Hammond had up dated him, but he had not shared any information about Jack and Sam's affection for one another.

Why the General hadn't made a moved for her after that Jon could only guess. He well remembered how clueless he'd been when it came to Sam. He was totally scared shitless of her. He never thought he could deserve her, so he thought that was the deciding factor in the General's dumb ass mistake with Sam.

Of course, Jon had missed the whole frozen thing too. Maybe that had changed the General somehow. But he still wondered how the General could just walk away from Sam, especially since he could see how much she loved him. He always had known that. When did the General forget? And what's with the "Sam doll" that was on his arm? The man was definitely in denial.

Jon finally had Sam situated on the couch and started into the kitchen, "Sam I'm going to make some coffee. I'll be back."

She wrapped his fingers around his hand, "Its not coffee I want." Her words were slurred, if he hadn't known her so well he wouldn't have understood her. He stood for a minute holding her hands, watching her eyes almost close and opening again and again. He knew if she was going to give up any information, he had to try now. She would be out soon, and she would never tell him once she sobered.

"Sam, who were you talking about?"

"Hmmm?"

"When we were coming in, you said that you loved him and that he hurt you. Who hurt you Sam?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does, Sam, stay with me, okay. Who hurt you?"

"He did."

"How did he hurt you?"

"Hurt bad."

"I'm sorry, Sam. It won't happen again. Tell me what hurt you, so I can apologize." He was trying to get her to talk to him, but something inside him felt he needed to apologize to her, though he had done nothing to hurt her.

"Let's don't talk, let's jus.. c'mere." She tried to sit up, but couldn't quite make it.

"Sam, did he get mad at you over Pete?"

"Him? He didn't say. Never talked."

"What did he say?"

"Said….. …too good."

"Sam, what was too good?"

"Don't know, guess me."

"He made love to you?"

"Don't I wish."

"Did you want him too?"

"Don't talk about it anymore."

"Please, baby, just tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"The General, Sam, why aren't you with him?"

"He doesn't want me." Her voice had held a sleepiness in its tone, but now it was just sad, almost devastatingly so. Jon couldn't stop himself from wrapping her in his arms. Jack O'Neill loved this woman. He always had. He had not stopped; though his body was much changed, his heart was not. He knew in his heart he would always love her; that he would give his life for her. He just wanted to see her smile once more, to bring the sparkle back into her eyes. That's why he knew it wasn't possible for the General to stop loving Carter. No way.

He knew she could never be his, but he made up his mind that he was going to make sure she got what she wanted. Even if he had to drag the old fool here, bound, tied, and gagged; then he would for Sam. He would not allow anyone to break her like this. He wondered which of him, Jon or Jack, had actually changed the most. Maybe it was the General.

"Sam, listen to me. Sam, wake up." He didn't want her to go to sleep; he knew if she did their conversation such as it was would be over. He had to keep her talking. He wanted to know as much as possible so he'd know what to say to the General later.

He intended to make that call or visit; but he needed a little information first.

TBC in chapter Five

Disclaimer:_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

End notes: _All reviews appreciated. Thanks to those who have reviewed! _


	5. Chapter 5

**Not Tonight **

by StarnightSam

**Chapter Five**

Jon held her for a few minutes; it felt so good just to hold her. He could remember nothing ever feeling so right, yet so wrong at the same time. He felt like he was cheating on his best friend, but it wasn't his best friend.

"Sam, tell me what you meant. How could he not want you?"

She raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him. "Do you know who?"

He stumbled through his answer. "Who?"

She stared at him so long that he thought she was not going to answer. He could also tell there was some recognition in her eyes. She just couldn't place him. "You know me, don't you?" She finally asked him, leaning back on the couch.

"Tell me how he hurt you, please."

"Just hurt me, that's all." She was sleepy and having a hard time staying awake.

"Did you and he ever have any kind of relationship? Sam, stay with me," he pleaded with her.

"Did you tell me your name?" She asked. Even drunk, Sam didn't like anyone digging into her personal life.

"My name's Jon."

"Oh, I don't think I know a Jon."

"Sam, did you ever date the General?" He wanted to lead her away from discussing himself.

"Who are you the NID? I said no. He didn't want me. Just leave me alone, I'm too sleepy." She moved away from him, stretching out on the couch; she turned her head into the back of the couch, closed her eyes and curled up into a ball. In exactly two minutes she was snoring soundly.

Jon knew that was it. He had a lot of thinking to do. Should he wait and see what reaction she'd have to him when he told her who he was? Or should he just go straight to the General's home and have that talk?

He was tired too. He sat in the chair across from her, watching her sleep for a long time. He had loved to watch her sleep on missions. He always gave her the first watch and took the third watch so he could watch her sleep before going to sleep himself. Teal'c always had second and Daniel fourth. That had been the order since the very first year.

Teal'c needed less rest than any of them and Daniel being a civilian, seemed to tire much faster in the early years. The arrangement had given the Colonel privacy to look at his 2IC without anyone knowing. The fact that Samantha Carter was a beautiful and sexy woman had not escaped Jack O'Neill's attention from the beginning.

If she had not been under his command, he would have definitely asked her out within the first couple of weeks. And even though he couldn't have any personal time with her; that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy looking. Did it? He looked anyway; he just tried not to get caught, that he didn't like, not that it had stopped him.

It had been a long time since Jon had been able to just watch her sleep; she was still so beautiful. He could see some change in her, but if anything she was even more gorgeous. How could Jack not want this magnificent woman? He just couldn't understand what had happened. But he intended to find out.

He was so relaxed that it wasn't long before he fell asleep stretched out in the lounge recliner just looking at Sam to his heart's content. He was a simply man, and it didn't take much to make him happy.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The sun shining through the drapes woke Sam. She felt like hell and had a splitting headache. She lay there for a while trying to remember the night before. It seemed she'd had a few mornings like this. She had to get control of herself. The last time Samantha Carter could remember feeling this down on herself was when she had let Jonas Hanson get away with the things he had. That had happened so suddenly, she hadn't seen the changes in him until it was too late.

She really hated the reason for her feelings of such deep depression now. She'd been really happy at Atlantis, or so she thought; until Colonel Sheppard had returned from a meeting at DC and told her of the General's new love. Not knowing how Sam felt about the General, he had left out none of the details.

Including the fact that rumor had them engaged and ready to be married. Sam had not been able to breathe when he told her. It was all she could do to get to her quarters before crying her heart out. In fact, she had cried every day since.

That was three months before she finally requested to be transferred from Atlantis. She couldn't stand being there any longer; but she couldn't be honest about her reason for the request, even with herself.

Sam had never cried over any man, not even when Jack had rejected her offer right after her father died. She had been so blindsided at the time that at first she was more angry than hurt. All she wanted to do was get away from him, from the cabin.

It had taken her a good three months to believe what had happened and then another three months to let it sink in as reality. She had waited the next eighteen months, hoping he would change his mind and ask her out, or at least call her. He hadn't. But hearing that he was going to be married, all but destroyed her.

She knew her mind was in no shape to do her job. Being Commander of Atlantis required complete control of one's mental and physical abilities at all times. She had not slept well since the day John brought back the news of the General.

Suddenly she realized there was someone else in the room. Crap! This was the third man she'd brought home with her from the bar. Two others had followed her out of the bar, but she'd not been drunk enough to let them come home with her.

One of the two that made it to her house had left a note asking her to call when she was 'in better shape' and the other had really tried to get rough with her. Thank goodness she'd not been too drunk to handle him. He'd left after she flipped him over her shoulder, cursing her for teasing him.

She couldn't remember much about last night, yesterday had been a really bad day. Cassie had called and told her about meeting Jack's new girlfriend. Cass had made it worse than it was because she still wanted to see her Uncle Jack and Aunt Sam together. And she figured that since Sam was back, she could stir up things enough to make Sam interested.

It only served to hurt Sam more, even though she'd never tell Cass. She couldn't understand why Jack had not wanted to be with her, it was obvious he liked women. She had finally accepted that the General had never loved her. There simply couldn't be any other explanation.

Lying there looking at the cute young man asleep in her lounge recliner, she thought she should introduce him to Cass. He was really good looking. She could just see Cass's reaction to him. He had to be a gentleman, she could remember enough to know he'd been kind and had not forced anything with her. She could even remember really wanting him to. Oh, God. He smelled like Jack! That's what had turned her on so!

She got up slowly and made her way to the chair as quietly as possible. She stared at him. He was so familiar. Something about him, what was it? She knew she had to know him. Sam watched him sleep for a long time. She watched the expressions on his face as they changed.

He was gorgeous. That much was for sure, tall and well built. She found herself wishing she was at least 10 years younger and not so hung up on Jack O'Neill. That was the very reason she was alone and had been without a man in her live for so long. The age difference bothered her too. No that was Jack's thing! Jack!

Oh my God….. Jack… Jon… This is him. It has to be. She got closer to him. She had watched him sleep off world so many times; she knew his every tick and flinch. He looked to be between twenty eight and thirty. But he was Jack O'Neill. She'd know him anywhere. He had been her obsession since the first trip through the gate. She remembered their first trip through Jack had been forty.

This gorgeous thing looked a lot like she remembered Jack in the beginning of their tour at the SGC. Damn! She felt so old. 'Maybe that's how Jack felt with me,' she thought. She sat down on the floor and got closer to him. He smelt so good, just like she remembered. She wanted to touch him just to ensure he was real and not her imagination. She hadn't actually seen the General except on video feed, since she went to Atlantis. She missed him.

Jon woke to something tickling his face. He slapped at it several times before coming fully awake. Looking into the bluest eyes he'd ever seen, he smiled. He sometimes forgot how young he looked, and smiling made him seem even younger.

"Well, I'm glad to know my track record is the same," she said, smiling at him.

"Yeah, kinda fell asleep, I guess I should go."

"No, don't go yet, Jon, please."

"Uh..mm.uh.. you know who I am?"

"Oh, yeah. If I hadn't been so drunk, I would have placed you last night."

"How'd you know?"

"Please, you think I wouldn't recognize Jack O'Neill at any age? Really? What I want to know is why are you here?"

"You sorta invited me."

"Yeah, about that, I'm sorry. Seems I was a little out of it. I've had to actually kick one guy's ass to get him out of here. I seem to fall asleep on the way home, and then when I wake, I don't what to do what I thought I did, until the next night and I start to think about him again. Make sense?"

"Yeah, but only because I know you so well."

"Then you know this is not going to happen," she declared waving her hands back and forth between them. "It'd be just too weird."

"Shame though, I have to admit, you're the best looking thing I've ever seen…," she said as she smiled up at him.

Jon laughed at her, but he blushed from his neck to his hairline. "Thanks, I think."

"What are you doing here? You had to know who I was last night."

"Yeah, that's why I'm here. I saw you at the bar the last few nights, watched you leave with several guys; and I was worried that something was off with you. I didn't remember this being anything you'd do."

"Yeah, well it didn't work too well, only one of them was really interested when they realized just how drunk I was, and as I said, I had to kick him out, physically."

"Why'd you do it Carter?"

"What? You can't call me Sam either?"

"Carter just fits you so well," he teased.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here alone." She didn't think it was too funny.

"What's that mean? I'm here or have I suddenly gone invisible again?"

"Funny, Jon. About that, did you spy on me in the shower, cause I sure thought you did."

"You could kill me if I answer that, but then I'm a junior officer now." Jon grinned, his trade mark grin.

"God, you are so much like the Colonel," Sam laughed.

"Colonel? Not the General?"

"No, definitely not like the General."

He watched her as emotions played over her face. "Wand to talk about it?"

"With you, won't that be like admitting my feelings to him?"

"Uh. Uhmm No. Do I look like him?" He teased.

"Yes, and you are him, just a younger version."

"Yeah, I am, but our paths split along the way and I can't imagine what in hell would have ever let me lose you like he did. If the damn little gray aliens had placed the growth marker at an age past teenaged pimpled adolescence, I promise you, your name would be O'Neill one way or the other."

It was Sam's turn to blush. "What do you mean, Jon? Did you have that kind of feelings for me before you were… ….split for lack of a better word.?"

"What do you mean before?' He smiled at her. "Carter, now really. You knew how I felt. What changed?"

"Can we not talk about this, I feel really weird, talking to you, knowing who you are, yet aren't."

"You think you feel weird, think what it's been for me."

"I have, only I didn't know what to do, or how to reach you. I tried after the shock wore off to find you in that High School where the Colonel left you, but they said you had just left with no forwarding address. I asked General Hammond and he said you were fine, and being taken care of that I shouldn't worry. Was that true, were you okay?"

"Yeah, Hammond made sure I got along. I did miss you guys so much though, it was like losing my whole family at once." Jon's voice betrayed the buried feelings.

"I'm sorry, Jon." Sam knew it wouldn't help to try to explain any more. She could see his feelings in his face, something she'd rarely seen in Jack O'Neill. She knew just how much their deserting him had hurt.

"I really am, Jon," she said again taking his hand in hers. "You were one of my best friends. I was worried."

"Doesn't matter now, Carter. Just forget it. I didn't come here for that! I came to help you. What's up with you? What are you trying to prove with the bar thing. That is so unlike you, at least the Carter I knew." He was determined to move the conversation back to her; he couldn't deal with his own hurt and hers.

TBC in Chapter Six

End notes: Thanks for reading! _All reviews appreciated. Thanks to those who have reviewed! _

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._


	6. Chapter 6

**Not Tonight **

by StarnightSam

_**Summary: Jon helps Sam admit her hurt and to start dealing with it. **_

**Chapter Six**

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Sam looked almost through him. She wanted to talk to someone desperately, but could she really talk to Jon. When all was said and done, he was still Jack O'Neill. Could she pour out her heart to Jack? Even if it was through Jon? So confusing!

"Come on, Carter, tell me what's wrong. What's with the drinking and the men? Someone as gorgeous and brainy as you should never have to resort to bar pickups." He watched as tears filled her eyes and she got up from the floor and started into the kitchen.

"Breakfast?" She asked.

"Only if you'll talk to me."

"Funny, I actually thought of calling Cass to come over before I realized who you are."

"That would've been awkward," he said, following her into the kitchen.

"Ya think?" Sam sobbed with the last word and Jon wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.

"Carter, please tell me what has you so torn up. I can't stand to see you like this."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The General woke to the alarm beeping. He rolled off the couch and made his way to his bedroom to turn it off. His head hurt. He made it to his bathroom and stood over the toilet, watching and thinking. He had gone to sleep with Sam on his mind the night before. Although that in itself was not unusual, what was unusual were his feelings of hurt and anxiety over what had happened at the bar.

What had gotten into her? He had spent most of the night thinking, remembering, and worrying. He was determined to find out what had happened to make her this angry with him. He still didn't know her reasons for requesting a transfer from Atlantis. It had come across his desk, and he trusted her enough that if that was what she wanted, he would definitely sign off. The President had held it until he was sure that it was actually what Sam wanted.

Maybe he should have asked why before signing off. Now that she was being transferred to DC under the command of the Pentagon, he wouldn't be her CO after her transfer was final. She was to complete the work that had begun on integrating the Asgard technology inherited from their demise into different areas of existing technologies of America and other countries. She would lead a team of internationally renowned scientist. If he'd only known about this little problem before her transfer request had been finalized! Now he was sure she'd never tell him why she was angry with him. It would make it much harder to find out what was wrong.

Jack showered and shaved; and then dressed. He went to the kitchen and made coffee. Picking up his cell phone, he hit speed dial number seven. Number one still belonged to Carter's cell, even though he didn't know if it was the same or even if she still had a cell. Number two was her house in the Springs. Number three was Cassie's cell number. Number four was Daniel's cell, and number five was Tealc's cell number. Number six was George's home number. His family.

"Jack, I was worried about you. Are you alright?" Natalie asked.

"About that, we need to talk. This morning okay?"

"Sure, want to come for breakfast?"

"No, Nat. I have some things I have to take care of. Just need to talk to you first. I'll be there in about 30 if that okay?"

"I'll be here." She shut her phone with a clicking sound that echoed through her heart. She could tell from his voice this was not going to be good. Well, things had not always been the way she'd wanted them. She would survive this too. She had not made it to her current position letting other people get her down. Even if it did happen, she was able to get back on track fairly fast. This would be no different for her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0

"I threw myself at him and he turned me down. I felt like such a fool." Sam's sobs increased and Jon did not push her. After a few minutes she was able to get her emotions under some control.

"I was a fool. He didn't love me. I turned down a perfectly good, sweet and kind man, who loved me and wanted to marry me; because I thought he had finally decided to give us a chance."

Sam had felt humiliated; and felt she had wasted eight years of her life loving someone who didn't love her. She'd placed all those longings and desires and even her feelings of love for Jack back in their room and this time she blew it up. She vowed to never put herself in that situation again. The more Sam had thought about her one-sided love, the more hurt and embarrassed she was.

She couldn't face him. So she requested a transferred to Area 51, not knowing he was being transferred to DC. That made it even harder for Sam. She had given up the job she loved and the command of SG1 unnecessarily, to get away from him; only to be brought back in six months and placed under a green CO with the same rank as she. Never mind that it was her command, or that she'd sure as hell earned that position and had to watch an inexperienced idiot almost get them killed each time they went out the entire first year of his command. Sam had been devastated at first.

She blamed Jack for that. If he'd had any feelings, even respect for her, she felt he would have told her he was leaving. But he didn't, not until he announced it to everyone else. That had been the final straw, she had not contacted him or talked to him on a personal level since; although in her heart she never let go of the desire that he would come back to her.

"I didn't think he wanted to get married or ever have a steady relationship. Then I find out he is head over heels in love and ready to get married. …I don't know, it just threw me." Her face screwed up with tears streaming again. She hesitated for a long time. Jon stayed with his arms around her, her head on his shoulder.

"I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I couldn't keep my mind on my command. I just lost it."

"Sam, when was this?"

"Just a short while before I returned from Atlantis, Colonel Sheppard had been to DC for a meeting and came back with the news. I don't know why after all this time; I let it hit me so hard. It just did." With those last words she broke down again. He waited, rubbing her back softy.

"It was like my heart just exploded. I knew there would never be even a slight chance. I guess I'd held onto some bit of hope until them."

She didn't say anything else. Jon was in deep thought. He couldn't remember hearing that the General was engaged. He'd kept up with all his team, even the General.

"I still don't understand the bar thing, Sam. Why?"

"Jon, I'm just lonely. I have needs. I haven't been with a man since Pete." She said it as if she was ashamed.

"Tell me about Pete, Sam. Why did you start seeing him in the first place?" His voice was soft and low, soothing in her ear.

"I don't want to talk about Pete."

"Sam, please, I thought you loved me, uh ..him, I would have never thought you'd give up on us and get serious about someone else."

"I did love you. Always have. But, you have to remember what it was like after Daniel died. You wouldn't talk to me about it. You pulled away from me. We never talked about anything. Not our feelings or waiting to be together or even if we wanted to be together. Then Pete came along, and he loved me. He wasn't ashamed to show his feelings; he made me feel real for a while. I had lived inside my mind for so long." Tears streamed down her face. She was still sorry for hurting Pete.

"Sam, I was never ashamed. I loved you so much that I couldn't stand it at times. It wasn't that at all. I just didn't want us to get in the way of your career. You worked so hard. You deserved so much."

"That was an excuse, apparently a convenient one. I would have given it up at any time if you, he had asked."

"No it wasn't, Sam. I love you too much. I could never do anything to hurt you. And I don't believe the General has changed that much. There's no way he doesn't love you."

"No, Jon. If what you say is true, and he did love me, he stopped feeling anything for me somewhere alone the way."

"I'd have to hear that from him to believe it. I know there is no one or nothing that could stop me from loving you. I don't think he has. It's just his pride or his fear."

"Before I gave Pete an answer, I showed Jack the engagement ring. I wanted him to stop me so badly. He didn't. I even asked him what if things would have been different."

"And he said?"

"He wouldn't be here. Never did understand that. Can you tell me what he meant?"

"This all happened after he was promoted to General, right?"

"Yes."

"He meant that he would have retired; and been with you, not watching you get married to someone else. I know that had to break his heart."

"Why couldn't he tell me not to accept? Why didn't he tell me he cared?"

"Sam, you know how good we are with words and feelings. I never thought I was good enough for you. Still don't. Neither does he. The only reason I can talk to you so openly now is that I know you'll never be mine. And I can't stand to watch you throw away your life." She looked up and their eyes locked, she tried to read him as she had for eight years.

Sam saw such love and devotion, even desire for her in his eyes. If she just looked at his eyes, all she saw was Jack. She had looked in these same eyes so often. She could read his soul. When had she lost him?

"I think I understand what he meant when he answered that question. I'm too old for you. Yet I feel so much for you. I know you're him, but you not. I wish he would talk to me like this." Jon had to take several breaths and break eye contact. He was a dying man.

"Why did you break it off with Pete?" He still wanted to know that. That was about all he needed and he would be ready to talk to the General.

"The General found someone else and I got so jealous. I couldn't stand to be with Pete anymore. Jack was all I could think about. Then, my father died, and he sort of led me to believe he was ready to give us a chance. But, he wasn't. Only I didn't know it until after I'd broken things off with Pete…. I broke my engagement." She paused and looked away from him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Sam, you want something to drink? The coffee's ready."

They moved to the counter and Jon poured two cups with coffee. They sat at the breakfast bar and Sam drank half the coffee before she could continue.

TBC in Chapter Seven

Thanks so much for all your reviews! Thanks to all for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

**Not Tonight**

**by StarnightSam**

**Chapter Seven**

_**Summary: The conversation continues; the healing begins. **_

Jon gave her a few minutes then encouraged her to continue.

"We went to the cabin after Dad died. Jack, Daniel, Tealc and me. It's beautiful by the way. I know why you asked me to go so many times. I should've accepted the first time you offered." She smiled at him and his heart melted.

"Don't I wish!" He grinned, his best Jack O'Neill grin. "Or maybe not," he paused, "Cause it was hard enough to let you go as it was. I don't think I could've if that'd happened." Their eyes locked briefly. She was learning so much about Jack O'Neill, and she had thought she'd known it all.

"I'm sorry about Jacob, you know I loved him. I want to know about that too, just now right now." It wasn't a question. She smiled her acceptance of both his condolence and his declaration of his need of her.

"Anyway, Tealc and Daniel left before we did. I drove up with Jack and they came later. Daniel had some translation he thought he just had to finish before he left the mountain. Jack made Tealc stay with him to get him out of the mountain the next day." She stopped reflecting on how to word her thoughts.

"Daniel insisted they come back earlier than we'd planned. I really think he was just giving us time to be alone." She paused as if she were seeing something in her mind. "Anyway, we spent the last night alone at the cabin. Toward the end of the night, I finally got nerve enough to approach the subject…. And.. he turned me down."

Sam's eyes filled with tears again. Jon reached over and covered her hand with his. He really wished he could do more to help her. He'd never seen her hurting so much.

"Sam, I'm sorry to keep pushing, but how did he turn you down? Are you sure he understood what you were asking?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I asked if he wanted to go out on a date with me when we got back to the Springs. I told him that I wanted us to get to know each other; I wanted to be with him." She looked away, her face blushing.

"And he said?.. What?"

She let out a long breath, "That he didn't think it was a good idea. That too many people would talk about us. Believe that we'd had an affair. It wouldn't be good for our careers. Maybe even give the NID something to use against the SGC." She paused again.

"Like a fool I offered to resign. I must've sounded like I was begging. He didn't want me to resign. I think he was still seeing Kerry. Although, at that time I thought he'd broken off with her before we left for the cabin. But after we came back, I heard about them going out to dinner several times." She looked down at their joined hands, tears flooding her eyes.

"Jon, I love Jack so much. I wanted to die after I heard he was getting married." With that she laid her head down on their hands sobbing. He ran his other hand through her hair and waited for her to stop crying. He knew perfectly well what she was feeling.

Sam stopped crying, raised her head and swiped at her eyes with a napkin. She sipped at her coffee.

"I guess you think I'm a fool."

"Why would you say that?" He asked softy.

"I've lost everything, including my mind, apparently. But you know… talking to you has helped. Times like these, I still miss Janet so much. I've not mentioned this to anyone. Not even Daniel." Sam looked at him, expectantly. She had no idea what she was waiting for, but there seemed to be something heavy in the air. Something between them. It wasn't hard for her to see Jack in Jon's face. What was hard was knowing what she had lost.

She had always imagined being able to open the door to their room and let everything out for discussion. She just never in a million years would have believed it would be Jon and not Jack who opened the door. She was drawn to this young man, she knew logically it was because she had loved him for so long, and right now he was so open to her.

She could actually feel love coming from him. And love was exactly what Sam needed. To feel loved and wanted, not just for her ability or intellect, but for herself, as a person, a woman. She'd had this deep love from her team for eight years, and she had desperately missed it as they all went their own way. They would have never let her get so down. They would have noticed and made her face what was bothering her.

Jon had to move before he did something he would regret. Opening the refrigerator he asked, "How 'bout we make something for breakfast. Don't know 'bout you, but I'm starving."

Shaking off the melancholy, she answered, "Sure. What would you like; I think there's bacon in the freezer. It will thaw fast in the micro-wave. Here. I have it packaged in strips of two, how many?"

"Four and four eggs if you have 'em."

"You are starving. I don't think I ever noticed you eat that much." She looked at him with a teary smile.

"You never were around the growing boy O'Neill." He grinned. "I could eat everything in the kitchen and still Mom had to fix something else. I guess it was the height. I grew pretty fast. I was really small until I hit seventeen and I think I added 8 inches in eighteen months… Starved the whole time… Did the same thing this time around. Only I didn't have Mom to cook for me." He started out sounding happy, but his tone became a little sad at the end.

"Jon, that is one thing that is definitely different from Jack, I don't think I've ever heard him talk about any thing personal. And never about his family. He's never mentioned them. Are they still living? Any of your family?"

"No, my parents were killed in an accident while I was in Iraq. Lost control on an icy road a mile from home, and ended up in a ditch. The weather was too bad, they couldn't get help fast enough. Their injuries were severe. I come home to find out they'd been gone three months. My only other family, my dad's parents, both died before the accident."

"My grandfather, I called him Pop, was my hero. I dearly loved that ol' man. I would spend the whole summer with them at the cabin. Pop and my Dad build it themselves, when Dad was a teenager. Took them one whole summer to clear enough land, and two years to build it." He stopped talking and Sam could tell he was sad.

"Jon, you've lost so much, I feel like a selfish cry baby compared to you." Sam stopped what she was doing and just hugged him. Her heart went out to him. She wished desperately there was something she could do for him.

"Carter, I can hear that brain humming. There is nothing you can do, other than what you're doing now." He hugged her tight, then let go. He could only take so much closeness or he would never let her go again. "Breakfast, before I starve!"

"My part's almost done, you cooking the eggs?"

"Sure, how many?" He asked.

"As many as you want, I only want one," she said, smiling that 1000 watt smile that he loved so much.

They finished cooking and then ate in a comfortable silence.

"Jon, I don't know how to thank you. I've been so hurt and lost for the last few months. I guess I would have just destroyed myself if you hadn't come along."

"Think nothin' of it. I love every minute of it. Now, tell me what you gonna do?"

"Nothing I can do about Jack, but I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. I guess it's for the best. If Jack had still loved me, he wouldn't have let me go so easily. I see that now. And just knowing that you…, ..he did love me at one time helps. I don't feel so foolish. I thought I had misread his feelings all those years. Truth is, I destroyed his feelings with Pete." She paused, looked at him sadly before she could continue.

"I just have to finally accept that. I really do want him to be happy, he deserves to be happy. He's earned the right. You've made me see that first and foremost his is my friend. I don't want to lose that, with either of you. Please let's not lose contact again, Jon. I need you in my life."

"Deal, Sam," he said, slapping his hands on his thighs and getting up. "Now, I need to go, I have a few errands to run. Can we have dinner tonight? I've missed you. Oh! Can you ask Daniel too? I'd really love to see him. And Cassie, I want to see for myself what type of young woman she's become. I really want to hug her again!" He smiled at that thought.

"Sure, maybe I can even get Tealc to come. I'm not seen Tealc since I went to Atlantis. I miss him, too. And Cassie for sure, she'll love to see just how gorgeous her uncle Jack is at 30," she teased him.

He blushed to his hairline, again. He wasn't used to such compliments from Carter. Maybe he could handle their being friends. They had been good friends for eight years and they both really missed that. He started to move from the counter, "Do you want me to help with the dishes?"

"No, but Jon wait." She reached up and lightly kissed his lips. "I love you. I want you to know that. And it has nothing to do with my feelings for the General. It's just the part of you that's still here! You're so different from Jack, now. I wish I were younger!" She held his hand as they walked to the door.

"Sam, if it is, .. ever up to me, and you really get over Jack, age won't matter. I'll be glad to push you around in a wheel chair!" He smiled at her, a true smile that lit his whole face, making him look that much younger.

"I really wish I could, Jon. But look at you, I feel like your mother!"

"You sure as hell don't look like my mother! Maybe an older sister!" He teased her. He loved to make her laugh; he knew that was what she needed. She slapped at his arms.

Just as Jon opened the door, the General was posed to knock on the other side. He almost hit Jon in his face.

TBC in Chapter Eight

Thanks for the reviews and to all who are reading. Your comments and kind words are most appreciated.

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._


	8. Chapter 8

**Not Tonight**

**by StarnightSam**

**Chapter Eight**

_**Summary: What happens surprises them all. **_

"Jon? What're you doing here?" Jack looked at him, then realization hit that Jon had not only kissed Carter but spent the night with her. "It was you at the bar!? Why didn't I recognize you?"

Then Jack panicked. He was too late. She was already with 'him,' only the 'him' that was younger and still very energetic. He well remembered those days and many women were in his life. But he also knew how much he'd loved Carter before the split, before Pete, and he knew he'd have done anything to get her back. So! He was too late!…. He wondered how long they'd been together.

"Yeah, I sorta brought her home, didn't want her to lose her commission for striking a superior officer. But you've saved me a trip. I was just coming to see you."

"Brought her home, did ya?" Jack was getting over his shock and this wasn't sitting too well. The thought of Carter sleeping with Jon not only made him angry but also sick to his stomach. His face became pale and sweat popped out over his face. He swayed a little and Jon caught him.

"General. Sir, are you alright, please come inside?" Sam could tell something was terribly wrong. Jack was getting dizzy, so he had no choice but to let them lead him inside Sam's house. Jon helped him to the couch and helped him stretch out. Sam came back and leaning over him placed a wet cold cloth over his head. Her hand found his and she held on tight. Jack's eyes seemed to be out of focus. Sam starting crying

"Jon, call 911, something is really wrong. Hurry." She sat on the couch by Jack, holding one hand and stroking his face with the other not realizing what she was doing. Being able to admit her feeling about the General to Jon had released all the anger inside her. Now, she was just really concerned for her friend. She was brought back in time to the feelings and fear she'd had when he was hit in the battle that had killed Janet. The same knot of fear gripped her whole body. She knew something was terribly wrong.

Jack looked at her though a little unfocused. His chest was hurting. He watched as emotions played across her face and suddenly nothing mattered in the world but her. He had been a fool to let her go. He had known that she loved him, had known it at the cabin; but couldn't bring himself to admit his feelings. Truth be told, he was still hurt over her relationship with Pete. And of course, he would never be good enough for the brilliant and beautiful Samantha Carter. Then there was her career, he had never wanted to do anything to jeopardize that.

For once, Jack put his own feelings first, maybe because he was not completely in control. Damn the consequences. "Am I too late, Sam, are you with him?" He paused almost begging with his eyes. It was so true that they could carry on a conversation with their eyes alone. They'd had years of practice.

But for once, they both needed to hear the words to validate their feelings. Sam had been through an emotional wringer and still carried every emotion she felt on her face. She was so afraid that something was wrong with Jack.

"I've waited a lifetime and will wait another for you. Jack, there will never be anyone else for me but you." She was crying hard again. She leaned over and kissed him tenderly on his lips. Both felt the electricity moving through their bodies. Eyes locked and hands joined, she leaned over him and placed her head on his shoulder.

Jack wasn't able to say anything else. He hurt too badly. He realized it was more than the shock. Jon came back into his view. "General, the ambulance is on the way. I have aspirin, the nurse said for you to take three while we wait."

Jon handed Sam the aspirin and a bottle of water. She helped Jack take the tables and held the water to his lips. "Jack, are you hurting?" She was afraid to ask where.

"Yeah, my chest. Feels like a fist in the middle." He said, leaning back on the arm of the couch.

"Jack, I love you. There was nothing between Jon and me, except some conversation. He helped me see a few things a little more clearly." She laid her head back on his shoulder again.

"I love you too, Sam. Always have. Always will, nothing's ever changed that."

Jon smiled at these two idiots. How could they have gotten things so wrong to be so in love? He sure hoped he'd learned something from this little mess. He stood guard over them, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Just watching.

They heard the siren and Jon went to the door, the paramedics entered and before they knew it Jack was being hooked to I-Vs with big needles. His eyes seemed to get bigger. Sam moved behind the couch and held his hand while they checked out his vitals and started drips.

"Jack, I'm so sorry if I caused this." It seemed Sam had cried all the stored tears since her mother's funeral that morning and tears were still streaming down her face.

"Hey, no. It's me. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so fast." He was forced to let go of her hand, the paramedics were moving him to the stretcher. Sam followed them through door and outside. The paramedics stopped to load the stretcher. She leaned over him once more and kissed him softy.

"Jack, I'll be there as soon as I can get dressed. They may not let me in to see you, but I'll be waiting until they do. Please hang on." She kissed him once more then they placed him inside and shut the door. She watched as the ambulance drove off, collapsing into Jon's arms. She hadn't even realized he was there.

"Come on, Sam. You have to get dressed and to the hospital. We need to call Daniel, too." He led her inside and to her bedroom. He knew she couldn't think from worry.

"Sam, please honey, you need to get moving the ambulance will be there before you get dressed."

She nodded at him and started to her bathroom. Jon waited sitting on her bed, he was afraid to leave her alone until he knew she was back to herself. He took his phone out of his pocket and called Daniel.

"Daniel, hey, this is Jon. Jon O'Neill, look, I don't have time to explain now, but the General's being taken to the Hospital…. No, no accident. Maybe his heart. … Don't know yet. … Yeah, she knows. Just thought you might want to be there. … No, it just left a few minutes ago. … Can we talk about that when we get there? … Yeah, I'll see that Sam gets there; we'll be leaving in a few minutes. Would you call Cassie?... Okay, see you there…. Yeah, me too."

Sam stood at the door, listening to the one-sided conversation. She knew this was going to be difficult to explain to Daniel. But, at least Jon would be there to help.

"You want to use the .. uh ..em?" She asked waving her hand toward the toilet.

"Be out in a sec." He went in and shut the door. Within a couple of minutes he was out. "You ready to go, Carter?"

"Yeah, I am. Jon, I can't tell you how much it means for me to have you here, and for what you've done for me. I'll never be able to thank you." She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes this time.

"Yeah, well, we should go." Jon had had all the "feeling feelings" that he could stand for one day. He needed just a little calm before the next storm that he knew was eventually coming.

The ambulance stopped at the local hospital, it was much closer than the base and their directive for suspect heart patients required it.

He was in the ER and hooked up to a lot of machines by the time Sam and Jon got there. Daniel and then Cassie soon followed.

The ER nurse hadn't been able to tell them anything except that Jack was stable and tests were being run, and as soon as they knew anything she would tell. Sam begged to see him. The nurse finally gave in and told her she could stay for a few minutes as soon as all the technicians were finished with the blood work and chest x-ray. Sam went back to set down and wait. But Daniel had her in a hug before she knew what was happening.

Jon had very briefly explained to him some of what had happened, so when he looked at Sam his heart broke. Jon had left out the part concerning bar, he thought that was Sam's story. If she wanted to tell Daniel, then okay, but he would carry it to his grave. He knew she hated to seem that vulnerable especially in front of her team. Even Daniel. And it hadn't really amount to much other than to show how depressed and alone she had become.

"Sam, are you okay?" Daniel asked.

"No, Daniel, I'm not." Well, he never expected her to admit it. He held her tighter, looking at Jon over her shoulder. He wondered just what had gone on. Jon, typical Jack O'Neill, had hit the highlights, but Daniel suspected it was a lot more to it than that. They sat down in the waiting area, each in their own thoughts. Daniel had resumed his place in Sam's life as her protector. He made sure to sit by her and reached for her hand. He held on tight, knowing she needed to feel his support.

The nurse came to the door and motioned for Sam. "You can go in for a few minutes, now. We're still waiting to see the test result before we know what to do or to what tell you." She finished stopping Sam's question before it could be asked. She nodded and followed the nurse in silence.

Jack had his eyes closed. She sat in the chair beside the bed; she reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. He opened his eyes and looked over at her and smiled.

"Hey, they have you all hooked up, and we're waiting for the tests to come back. You still hurting?"

"No, not now…. Sam, I'm sorry…."

"No… stop, you have nothing to be sorry for…." She interrupted him, squeezing his hand. "I should have talked to you after we left the cabin. Just get better. We have time, later if that's what you want. I'll be here until they make me leave. Then, I'll be in the waiting room. You can tell them to get me anytime you want." She smiled at him.

"Yeahsureyabetcha that's what I want! No fool like an almost dead fool!" He stated. She laughed, and then kissed him again. She couldn't stop touching him. She had waited so long to be able to feel so free with Jack O'Neill, her Jack; she didn't intend to waste another day.

"You're not almost dead! We aren't letting anything else stop us. You hear? So stop thinking and just get better!"

TBC in Chapter Nine

Thanks for the reviews and to all who are reading.

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._


	9. Chapter 9

**Not Tonight **

**by StarnightSam**

**Summary: **_**They find out what happened to Jack; and Jon and Jack finally have that 'talk.'**_

**Chapter Nine**

Sam sat by his bed, holding his hand the reminder of the morning while Jack slept. The nurses allowed her to stay with him since she hadn't interrupted his rest. He had not slept at all the night before. Sam's presence along with the medication they had given him put him out for the next couple of hours.

Sam had left the room only long enough to let Jon and Daniel know what the nurses had told her, which wasn't much. She laid her head down on the bed next to their hands. She had sat by his bedside like this more times than she cared to remember, but this time she could freely touch him.

She awoke to gentle fingers stroking through her hair. She raised her head and looked at his dark chocolate eyes. "Hey, doc's here." She shot up, still holding tight to his hand.

"I must have fallen asleep."

"Mrs. O'Neill?" The doctor directed at Sam.

"Un em.. No, I'm…."

"Not yet, doc, but she will be just as soon as she'll have me?" It was a question directed at Sam, not a reply to the doctor. "Samantha Carter, Doctor… I'm sorry, doc, what's your name?"

Sam was staring at Jack, at a loss for words.

"I'm Doctor Aden Bowlds, Ms. Carter." He shook her hand. "Is it okay with you, General O'Neill, if I speak in front of your fiancée?" Sam was still staring at Jack with a 'deer caught in the headlights' expression. Jack loved that he could still do that to her.

"Oh, I haven't officially asked her yet, doc. But I'm gonna just as soon as you let me outta here and I can do it up right." Jack winked at Sam. "Unless she has objections to hearing you out, Doc, I certainly want her here. She's the brains of this family." Looking up at the doctor Jack added, "You might even bring in the rest of my family so I don't have to repeat all this. They're waiting out there somewhere."

Sam was still staring at him. She wasn't sure if she was really hearing him or if she was dreaming, although none of her dreams had ever included him in the hospital.

"If you wish, General, I'll have the nurse get them." The doctor walked out to the nurse's station.

"Close you mouth, Sam." Now that the doctor was out of the room, Jack didn't have quite as much confidence. He smiled at her and tightened his grip on her hand.

"Did you just ask me to marry you?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Whata you mean why?" Just then the doctor and the nurse followed by Daniel, Cassie, and Jon walked into the room.

Cassie sat on the side of Jack's bed and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "I was so afraid," she said, tears in her eyes.

"I'm still here, Cass. Don't cry," Jack said squeezing her fingers. Looking from Jon to Daniel, he nodded his head at them as if to say he was okay.

"I'm Doctor Aden Bowlds," the doctor said, introducing himself to the others. "General O'Neill, your blood workup indicates that you've had a heart attack. Your blood pressure and enzyme levels are slightly elevated. We need to do an Angiogram to determine what exactly is wrong." He handed Jack a diagram of an Angiogram then explained what it was, and what could happen should the test revealed a problem.

"So, Doc, you're saying that you gonna take a picture of the arteries in my heart and it's gonna tell you what's wrong and what to do about it? That right?" Jack asked.

"Basically, yes, that's right." The doctor answered Jack. "General, when was the last time you ate or drank anything?"

"Coffee, this morning, early when I first got up. Nothing to eat since dinner, about 20:00 last night. But doc, I guess you should know, I drank almost a bottle of scotch last night," he said, looking sheepishly at Sam.

"Then I'll schedule it as soon as possible. I'll have you moved to a room on the Cardio wing. We'll continue to monitor your vitals until then. Your family may visit, but I want you to rest. I'd prefer if they visit two at a time for only a few minutes. Now, I want you to rest." He started to leave, but Daniel stopped him.

"Dr. Bowlds, is Jack in any danger now? Is he going to be okay?" Worry was evident in his eyes.

"Of course, I can't answer that for certain until we do the test, but his vitals are stable and he doesn't appear to be in stress now. He'll be fine in the Cardio unit. He'll be continually monitored. That's really all I can tell you now." He left and Daniel stared after him before turning to face Jack.

"You scared the crap out of me! Jack." He tone was angry.

"Sorry, Daniel. I don't think I meant to."

"Daniel!" Sam exclaimed.

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so "Jack-like." He said in a much softer voice.

"Funny, Daniel," Jack said as Daniel walked over to the side of the bed where Cass was sitting. He laid his hand on Jack's arm.

"Yeah, well." Daniel was speechless. He was too afraid for words. Jack could read his feelings on his face.

"Daniel, don't worry. I'm gonna be fine. I have to be. Look whose waiting for me." He looked at Sam, who still looked at if she were in a daze.

"I'm happy for you guys, although I didn't know you were seeing each other," Daniel said, looking a bit hurt.

"We didn't either," Jack said grinning at Sam. "We are seeing each other, right Sam?"

"Sam?" She still hadn't answered. "Sam? We are gonna see each other when I get out, right?"

Jon moved to the side of the bed where Sam was sitting, he could tell something was off. "Sam, you okay?"

"She's fine, Jon, she just needs to answer my question," Jack stated. "Sam will you marry me?" It seemed Jack wanted Jon to know he'd asked Sam to marry him and for him to hear her answer.

Jon was just concerned for Sam. He knew that was what she wanted, but for some reason she was lost in deep thought or was in shock. It had been an emotional morning for her, and this had not helped her state of mind. He took her hand snapping her out of her thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Jon." She looked at Jack and smiled. "Yes."

Cassie giggled. "Oh, my. Really? Are you two getting married?" Daniel pulled Cassie to him, trying to quiet her.

"Cass, we have to quiet here," he said, although he couldn't stop his own smile.

"Well, are you?" She asked again.

"Sam, we're going back to the waiting room. We'll be there when you come out. Okay?" Jon said, wanting to insure her that her friends weren't leaving, but giving them time to talk. "Come on, Cass."

0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It had been over a month since Jack's attack. He'd had a very light heart attack caused by stress and dehydration from his night of alcoholic bingeing. The Angiogram showed no stopped arteries, and just a slight damage to his heart muscle. Although, his doctor insisted that he treat it seriously and start taking proper care of himself and begin a regiment of Cardio exercises. At present, that was all his doctor prescribed.

Dr. Bowlds wanted him to stay in the Springs for the next few weeks to help him adjust to his new 'eating for life and exercise' program. Dr. Bowlds had insisted he enroll in the Cardio-exercise program in the hospital for a month so that they could monitor his heart and the progress of his personalized program.

Jack was by no means overweight, but he had sat at a desk for the last six years and his body had lost some of its tone and muscle structure. His physical therapist had explained the damage done to a person's body when a rigorous exercise program had been their way of life and then stops or suddenly slows down to next to nothing.

Jon walked up the steps to Jack's front door. He wanted time to have that "talk" with Jack before Sam got home. As the new director of the department that had been created to integrate and develop technologies inherited from the Asgard, she was in DC going over applications to fill several vacant staff positions and getting things set up in her new office.

Jon knew she wouldn't be back in the Springs for another week. She'd been recalled to DC a few days after Jack's attack. She had made him and Daniel promise to stay with Jack the first week he was dismissed from the hospital. They had taken turns. Each driving him for therapy until the doctor agreed to let Jack drive the second week.

Jack answered the knock, "Jon, hey, come in."

"General, how's things?" Both men had always been a little uncomfortable in the other's presence. Having someone else knew your every deep and dark secret and be able to expose your most secret self to everyone was something neither of them liked. Although, contrary to what most people believed, Jack had kept in touch with Jon.

He had even filled in information in Jon's military records and helped George obtain Jon's promotions; something which no one but George and Jack knew. Jack had visited Jon regularly, he couldn't seem to let go completely. It seemed as if he suddenly had a younger brother and felt it necessary to keep tabs on Jon and offer what help he could.

Over the years their relationship had become friendly. They never talked much about the past, but found it interesting to catch up on the present. At the beginning Jack had set up a trust fund to help Jon with expenses until Jon was earning enough to support himself.

No one knew of their friendship, not even the team. As far as Jack knew none of the rest of the team, except Sam, had ever asked about Jon. Hammond had informed Jack of Sam's inquiries.

"Okay, I guess. They released me today from the torture mill. Don't have to have Godzilla man-handle me any longer. Doctor Bowlds will send my records to DC. I just have to find a Cardiologist and a good Cardio gym there, and I'll have to keep up the exercises."

They stepped into the kitchen. This house always brought back a lot of memories for Jon. He had lived here for seven years before the 'split.' Jack had moved in soon after returning from Abydos, after coming back to find that Sarah had filed for divorce.

"Wanna beer?" Jack asked.

"Sure."

"So, you ready for the Alpha Site?" Jack asked.

"Not, sure, you know it's been a while since I actually served on the front lines." Jon was being promoted to Major and was scheduled to take command of the Alpha Site in two weeks.

"I wouldn't exactly say the Alpha Site is frontline. Not now, anyway. No real threats out there. Not like when the Goa'uld was everywhere." Jack said.

"No, I guess not."

"Something tells me you have something on your mind, Jon, why not just spit it out." Jack challenged.

"That obvious huh?" Jon looked a little sheepish. He really didn't want to upset the General, but he had a few things he wanted him to know before he left. He didn't trust either Jack or Sam to say any of the things that he and Sam had shared.

"It's about Sam," Jack stated. It really was a statement.

"General…" Jon started but was interrupted.

"Oh, it's General is it? Can't be good."

"I just wanted to let you know Jack, if you mistreat her and she runs to me, this time I won't be able to stop myself. You know I'll always love her. But she loves you. Always has. She was so hurt by what happened or rather by what didn't happen at the cabin….. She told me…. She felt very foolish. She won't be able to stand that again Jack."

"Jon, I know. She told me a little bit about what you two talked about. Though I'm sure not all of it. I know I hurt her. I was a damn fool…. Told her so…. If I could go back and redo the last five years… Hell, you know I would."

"Yeah, I know. Jack, I'm just curious, was it about Pete? Is that why you turned her down then? I'm not really judging, I know it would've hurt me."

"Yeah, mostly. You ever see him? He was so young. I just felt so inadequate upside him. Guess I closed up after she accepted that damn ring. I didn't really believe she was through with him after Jacob died. I just wanted to give her time. But she wouldn't talk to me after we came back from the cabin. She avoided me." Jack drank a big swig from his bottle.

"I don't think she thought you were just giving her time, Jack," Jon said.

"No?"

"No."

"What did she think?" Jack asked.

"That you were rejecting her that you not only didn't love her but never had."

"I guess that's one of the things you fixed, huh?"

"Yeah," Jon answered.

"Jon, don't you ever think you'll have her, except over my dead body. I don't intend to mess this up again. I have a second change with her and I intend to make her as happy as an ol' worn out soldier can. I love her. And it seems she loves me. God only knows why." His eyes twinkled. Jon grinned, his famous Jack O'Neill grin.

"Yeah, wonder of wonders!" They both laughed. "Well, I guess as long as we understand each other. And you never hurt her again." Jon downed the rest of his beer and got up to leave.

"I ship out at the end of next week. I want to see Sam and the rest of the family before I leave, think we could have a BBQ here?"

"Sure, I'll talk to Sam tonight when I call her."

He walked Jon back to the door and hugged him. "I really thank you for taking care of her. She told me about the bar and the guys. I'm glad you were there when she needed you the most. At least both of us didn't let her down."

"Always will be here for her, Jack. You know I can't stop." He smiled again. Jack would be jealous if not for the fact that both Sam and Jon had let him know who held her heart. In a way, Jack really felt sorry for Jon. He didn't know what he would do if he'd been the one to have to give up his entire life before the split, including one gorgeously hot Samantha Carter.

He watched Jon walk to his truck, one just like Jack's only black instead of dark green. He walked back into the lounge and pick up his cell phone. He hit speed dial one.

TBC in Chapter Ten

Thanks so much for your reviews! Please keep'em coming!

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary: **_**Soft romantic music, roses, and satin sheets to lie on!**_

**Not Tonight **

**by Starnight **

**Chapter Ten**

They stood in the door, arm in arm watching as Daniel and Teal'c left. They were the last to leave. Jon had left just before. It had been a fun day. They'd all been together for the first time in three years. Of course it was much longer than that for Jon.

It was still early in the evening, just after 20:00 hours. Cassie had invited her boyfriend to the BBQ; and they had decide to go out to the Sports Bar and Grille, a night spot that mainly young adults patronized. They would be out late. Jack had given her a $100 dollar bill and ask her, with a wink to "get lost" for a while and not to tell Sam.

Sam had finally accepted the fact that Cassie was a grown woman; she had changed a lot during the last three years. Jack had really done a good job as a single parent to the young adult, and her devotion to him showed.

Cassie was now in med school. Her plans were to follow in her Mom's footsteps and become a physician. Her hope was to one day work at the SGC or maybe even work at one of the Out Stations that had been established on several planets since the danger of the Goa'uld had been eliminated. Every time they looked at her both Jack and Sam felt like proud parents.

Jack shut the door and hugged Sam tight. This was the first time all evening that they were alone. Sam had been in DC most of the time since Jack's release from the hospital. He kissed her lips softy, but it quickly became passionate.

"I missed you Sam, so much." He said burying his nose in her hair. "I have something for you."

"Oh? What is it?" She really hoped it involved them together in the bedroom. She was ready for them to actually make love. She had checked with the doctor herself to make sure it was alright. She hadn't been able to think of much else all night except getting Jack all to herself.

She still couldn't believe that he had agreed to have the BBQ the same night that she returned home. It had been three long weeks without seeing him, especially now that they were at least thinking along the same lines. She'd really been afraid he was trying to put her off from the minute he asked about the BBQ, but didn't want to discuss it over the phone.

It seemed par for the course for them, just as they were finally starting to talk a little and express some of their buried emotions and feelings; she had been called back to duty. She's actually only spent one night in the Springs since his release from the hospital; and that had been the first night he was home and he still wasn't allowed physical intimacy.

They had spent that night lying in bed holding each other close and just kissing and petting really talking to each other. They had cleared the air, so to speak. Although she wasn't as open with Jack as she had been with Jon; but now she wasn't angry and wanted to wait until she was sure that Jack was completely well before saying anything that could upset him even a little.

By the time she'd arrived, Jon, Cassie and her boyfriend were in the kitchen washing lettuce and catching up with each other. Jack had helped put her things in his room and stopped to kiss her before joining the others. Problem was she wasn't ready to stop with a quick kiss. His passionate kiss and his hands moving over her body made her want to throw Jon, and the kids out for a couple of hours.

He had pulled back and looked at her flushed face. "Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow for the BBQ." He complained to her. Her response had been quick, "Ya think." Jack had smiled at that and said. "You just wait, we'll have the rest of the night and I have plans for you. Maybe we can get them all to leave early!" Then he kissed her deeply once more and had left her there to change clothes.

---------------

"C'mere. You'll see," he said bringing her back from her reverie. He took her hand and squeezing it led her toward the lounge and had her sit on the couch while he walked toward his bedroom. For a moment she was really disappointed. There was only one thing she wanted from him right now; but it involved them both being in the bedroom--together.

In no time he was back and sat down on the couch beside her. He reached for her hands and facing her said, "Sam, I love you, have from almost the very first moment I looked at you. There's nothing I've wanted more for the last thirteen years than this. But, as you know, I'm a big chicken." She laughed, but her heart was doing flip flops. She was melting in his gaze.

"I know I asked you to marry me, and you said yes, but this is so important to me. I just want it to be right!"

"Jack, it was perfect, you can't improve it." Sam smiled at him.

"Yeah, that's why you had your mouth open so long!" He teased her.

"Okay, it shocked me. But it was perfect."

He moved to the floor as best he could with his knees cracking and popping. He reached into his pocket and took out the most beautiful diamond brilliant cut solitaire housed in a gorgeous platinum setting. The antique setting had perfectly cut smaller brilliant diamonds down the sides of the ring. The center stone looked to be a two carat stone to the necked eye. Sam had never seen such a beautiful stone. It had such amazing sparkle and fire. It had reminded Jack of her eyes. It was a perfect stone, and had just a hint of ice blue.

He placed it on her left ring finger as he asked again, "Will you make a stupid ol' man happy 'til the day he dies and marry me?"

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't take her eyes off the ring. Her throat choked with tears, she finally looked up at his eyes and what she saw there was so much more brilliant than the ring. "Oh God, yes!!!!.. YES YES! YES!!!

Sam stood up, grabbed his hand had almost pulled him to the bedroom. "YES, Jack. Yes. But I think I've waited long enough!"

He laughed, one of his deep throat laughs that she had heard only rarely. "What? I don't get a kiss for the ring?" He teased.

"I'd say you're getting more than a kiss, buddy!"

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When she entered the bedroom, she was surprised, again, by this man that she loved more than life. The whole room was filled with vases of red roses and candles scattered about. Rose peddles covered a white satin bedspread. A scarlet red short, sexy, sheer gown lay across the bed. The bathroom door stood open and more candles were place around the tub that was filled with bubbles and another large vase of red roses was sitting on the counter. The scent was breathtaking.

On the night stand stood a bowl of ice holding a container of strawberries, a crystal bowl filled with chocolate sauce and a spoon. Two wine glasses and an ice bucket filled with a bottle of Sam's favorite wine, along with self-heated massage oil were also waiting. She could hear romantic instrumental music playing softly in the background.

Tears streamed down her face. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry. C'mere." Jack said pulling her into his arms. He watched as so much emotion played across her face and their eyes locked.

"All I could think of was having sex with you, Jack. I've dreamed about it for three weeks. And what do you do? You surprise the hell out of me--again! You've been thinking of making love, not just having sex. Oh, God, Jack, I'm such a fool," sobs breaking from her throat.

"Hey, hey, no crying. For us it's the same thing. Its just that I've had to wait for thirteen years, and I wanted something for us to remember. Something really special."

"How'd you do all this? Oh! Cassie! No wonder she was in such a hurry to leave. How'd you know I wouldn't come back in here?"

"Cassie, 'the boy' and I finished it while you were saying goodbye to Jon. I made sure Jon kept you busy 'til we had it all in place. Then I lit the candles and signaled Daniel and Tealc to have everyone leave."

"The boy's name is Jeff." She giggled.

"Hey, no giggling."

"So, everyone knows about this?" Jack wasn't so sure that she liked that idea.

"Uh em. Yeah, is that bad?" He asked pulling back from her a little.

"I guess not. It's no secret what two people who love each other do behind the bedroom door. I guess, is it?" She smiled at him, relieving his anxiety. Needless to say they were both a little nervous.

"Uh.. uh.. You wanta use the bubble bath first or…" Jack had thought about Sam, a naked Sam to be more exact for so many years, now that it was about to happen he was as afraid as if a Gou'ald had walked into the room.

Realizing what was happening to him; Sam pulled his face down and kissed him softly on his lips. She pulled back and smiled her 1000 watt smile at him and watched his eyes as they sparkled.

"I don't care which order you have in mind Jack O'Neill as long as it starts soon…," she said. "You're choice," she said in a sultry tone.

He kissed her then, really kissed her, and all his jitteriness and nerves disappear. He was lost in the feeling of her lips on his. At first he just enjoyed the feeling of her soft lips as he moved slowly over her mouth. Soon his tongue was begging entrance. She opened her mouth and his tongue snaked it way inside; soon he had to come up for air.

Before they had much time for a breath, Sam pulled him back to her lips and kissed him again. Jack knew he was in heaven. The actual taste of Samantha Carter, the one and only Samantha Carter almost made him swoon.

Her kiss brought to mind his actually kissing her twice before. Once during the first year when they had been turned into Neanderthals, before he could stop himself from returning her kiss during her attack; and once during the time loops which didn't count. He thought of it as an alternate reality. Oh, then there was that actual alternate reality, but that definitely wasn't his Sam.

Under no circumstances could this kiss or rather kisses compare to those times. For one thing, the long anticipation had them buzzing inside their bodies and then this was their first, their very first, consensual kiss. It was as if fire works were going off all around them.

He thought it should be bottled and sold. He eyes were twinkling.

"Jack, you're the first man to make love to me that I've really loved. I've never been in love with anyone other than you." It was important for her to let him know. Her words were so sincere that it broke Jack.

"Really? Not even Pete?" He whispered softy.

"Pete, who?" She said letting him know that Pete had never been important. "Jack are you concerned about him, do you want to talk about him? I don't mind if there's something you want to ask or even say. Jon helped me realize how much that hurt you. I just didn't know at the time."

"Not tonight. Tonight I want only you and me here. Sam, I love you so much." He pulled her into another passionate kiss all the while guiding her down and across the bed.

TBC in Chapter Eleven

Thanks so much for your reviews!

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._


	11. Chapter 11

**Not Tonight**

**by StarnightSam**

**-- Epilogue**

_**Summary: Her father told her that she could have everything that she wanted, and she had. **_

Sam sat in a wheel chair facing the window. It was her favorite place to sit in the morning. They would push her there right after breakfast and she would reminisce over her life. She had written her memoirs years ago.

She had also written several books to explain her discoveries on Wormhole Physics, Quantum Physics, and Parallel Universes; and she had spent the last ten years writing books documenting her duplication of the Asgard technology. There was also a text book explaining her understanding of some of the Asgard technology that they had yet to backwards engineer.

All of them were in Grace's safe keeping. The Stargate was still a well kept secret on Earth. Grace was to see that the books, along with the proof of Daniel's theory on the Pyramids, and his documented translations of the Goa'uld and Ancient languages would be published as soon as the Stargate secrets were out.

Grace had been born the first year of Sam and Jack's marriage. She was conceived on the night Jack had asked her to marry him the second time. Sam and Jack had spent thirty years together, deeply in love. Their union had produced the very child that Sam had envisioned all those years ago on the Prometheus. She had been their joint reward for living a life of self-sacrifice and service, to them Grace was perfection. She was just as smart and beautiful as her mother. She was a tall blond with the same blue eyes as Sam, and as witty as Jack. She was the best of both.

Daniel, at age sixty-eight was the first of them to die. Sam thought she, Jack, and Cassie would die too. They had held to each other to make it through the worst part. But it was Vala that Sam had worried about the most. Daniel had been Vala's salvation, her lover and her life, her husband. She had an extremely difficult time moving through the pain of his loss. Had it not been for her adopted family, she knew she would have died of a broken heart.

Cassie was married to an Air Force officer and was currently stationed at the newest planetary outpost as CMO. They didn't have children. The things that Nirrti did to Cassie as a child destroyed her ovaries, but she was happy and she loved her job.

Jack had succumbed to his second heart attack. He had lived a healthy and happy life until he had a stroke at age eighty-three, followed by the fatal attack that took his life two months after the stroke.

Jack and Sam had spent their married life as happy and as deeply in love as any two people had ever been. Their love reflected in their lives and the lives of their family. Eventually they talked about every little thing that had kept them apart for those first thirteen years. They had disagreements like any married couple, yet each was very quick to apologize and forgive the other. Although they had many close friends they still lived for each other until the day Jack died.

Sam had almost lost her sanity following Jack's death. She was too young to feel so alone and heart broken. The next two years she'd thrown herself into her work as deeply as she had during her Stargate Program years. She seldom took time for anything outside of working on the Asgard technologies except for writing her books. She completed many of her manuscripts on the Asgard technology during the first three years after losing Jack.

At her retirement Sam left the department of ASGARD TECH, as it was so appropriately named, in Grace's capable hands. Grace had been the director for five years. She was married and had one son, John Jacob Carter Wilkes. Lt. Carter Wilkes worked with his mother at ASGARD TECH. He had followed in his grandparent's footsteps and joined the Air Force as soon as they would have him after college. He was as brilliant as his mother and grandmother.

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"General, that good looking husband of yours just walked up the drive," Sam's personal attendant, Jenni, stated snapping Sam out of her reverie, as she turned her chair around to face the room.

He never failed to make her heart skip, no matter how many times he walked into a room. He had from the day she looked at him across that conference room on the mountain. Their eyes had locked, and she had spent over fifty years loving him in one way or another and in form or another.

"General O'Neill, good, you're here just in time." Jenni smiled at the very gray-haired good looking older man. She wasn't sure just how old he was, but she knew he was younger than General Carter-O'Neill.

"Hey sweetheart," he said leaning over to kiss Sam's cheek, to him she would always be beautiful. But to be honest she was. She still looked too young to be as old as she was. Her hair was white now and her skin had a few wrinkles but she looked more Jon's age than her own. She had maintained her weight and exercise so her body still looked more like a fifty-something.

"You ready to go? Jenni got all your things packed?" He asked directing the question more to the aid, as he glanced her way.

Sam smiled at the handsome man in front of her. She couldn't always remember that he wasn't Jack; her mind had regressed slightly following her stroke. It made no difference to him what she called him. He had spent just as many years being Jack as he had Jon.

Sam had been in the Rehabilitation Center for two months, long enough for General Jonathan George O'Neill to get all his retirement papers in order and processed and for the center to help her learn to walk with the aid of a cane.

He was taking her to their cabin. He always planned to spend most of his retirement there so it just felt like a great place for her to gain back her strength and get better. He had a therapist coming in once a day to help with the exercises and had added an exercise room with the equipment she would need. It was small, but would work out fine for them.

Grace would be up in a day or two to stay during her vacation and to help her mother get settled. Jon tried to tell her that they would be okay, but she insisted. She wanted to spend some time alone with her mother and she knew this was the best place as Jon still loved his fishing. The cabin was special to all of them.

Teal'c and Ishta had been to the Center to see Sam and also planned to come to the cabin later on to spend some time with them. The Jaffa, with the help of several of their allies, had well established their Free Jaffa Nation and Teal'c had been elected as Master In Chief for the fifth time in the last twenty years.

It was the title that the Free Jaffa had agreed for the leader of their new identity soon after the Ori had been eliminated and the Jaffa all over were freed from the remaining Goa'uld and Ori influence. Bra'tac had been the MIC until his death twenty years ago.

---------------------------

Sam smiled at Jon as he pushed her to his truck. He'd still loved big trucks, although now Sam had a Personal Transport Stone. She had given the small hand held Asgard transportation devise its name after she and her team had been able to duplicate the process and make several of the stones.

Only select people had them, the governments of Earth still kept secret most of the technology learned from the Asgard. They had gradually integrated into society what they felt would not frighten the public. The leaders of most nations and special military persons in the US had them at their deposal, along with some of the other Asgard tech. The stones came with certain jobs and titles now, like cell phones in the early days of their invention.

Jon drove to their rather large ranch-style home in the country a few miles from DC. Sam had lived on the ten acre estate for the last thirty years. Jack decided to retire, again, ten years after their marriage and they bought the ranch. He had loved it. He had several horses and he and Grace rode daily. Sam couldn't part with it; so much of Jack was still there.

They had both finished out their careers in Washington, both attaining the rank of Lieutenant General. Jack had been Air Force Chief of Staff for the last four years before his retirement. Sam had stopped at Lt. General because she refused the promotion to Chief of Staff. Her heart was in the research and she hadn't been ready to leave it unfinished just to accept the promotion.

------------------

Sam smiled at Jon as he got out of the truck and came around to her side. "Thanks Jon, for taking such good care of me. I love you, and I do know it's you and not Jack, although now there's not much difference in the two of you." She giggled, sounding more like a young girl than an old woman.

Jack had always had that affect on her, and he still did. She had loved this man as much as was humanly possible. If not for Jon after Jack's death thirteen years ago, Sam would have never come out of her depression. She had been much worse than he had found her long ago after her return from Atlantis.

"Sam, after all these years, you have to stop giggling! You know what it does," he laughed, helping her from the truck.

"Even now that I'm so damn old and crippled?" She asked sadly.

"Baby, you'll never be too old for me. You're just as beautiful as ever. Anyway, you know I'm older than you." He teased, kissing her forehead. Jon had never felt as young as he looked. He often forgot, especially now that he was in his seventy, that he looked a little younger than Sam. He squeezed her hand. He had always loved this woman more than life.

"You know, I always hated that damn Asgard. I hated Loki for cloning me. I felt for so long that he destroyed my life, destroyed me. But it's never kept me from being who I am, which has always been Jack O'Neill, in love with Samantha Carter-O'Neill. And right now, I'm glad he did it. It's the only way I would be able to take care of you now." He leaned into her and kissed her lips.

"You are the gorgeous one, Jon, even after Jack had that bad stoke. You are just a beautiful man." She smiled at him. "..As much on the inside as the outside. I'm the luckiest woman alive, I've had the love of such a good and great man for so over forty years," she said as she put her arms around him.

"More like over fifty, 'cause I've loved you since you wanted to arm wrestle," he laughed.

Jon lifted her in his arms and gently carried her into the house. He sat her down on the couch in the lounge area and in a few minutes was back with a cup of tea and a sandwich. "You okay, while I get the rest of our stuff ready for the cabin?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled again.

------------------------------

As was the case so often these days, Sam's mind wondered back to the past. She was remembering how hard she'd tried to clone herself. She couldn't help her happiness that the Asgard cloning technology never worked.

She had discussed it with Jack, and he thought her idea to clone was a great idea. Sam had spent the first three years of her appointment to the head of ASGARD TECH working on trying to make the cloning technology work.

It had taken that long for her to discover that the Asgard had deliberately left out crucial information to make it work. Further research into their data base had led her to believe that the Asgard race had evolved from the human species, maybe even from Earth. Unlike the Ancients who looked to the spiritual plane for eternal existence, the Asgard had put all their time and energy into scientific technology.

Although the Asgard had been unable to perfect their cloning technology, which led to a controlled degradation with each generation, they had developed and used it in a sense to 'live forever.'

However, in doing so they had completely destroyed everything that made them human. In fact their race had become so un-human in the end that they almost just existed instead of lived, in the human mind anyway. The cloning process had long ago made them non sexual beings, with no natural way of procreating. It had also been the cause of their complete demise as a race in the end.

A few years before their total demise as a people the Asgard discovered an uninhabited planet with a 30,000 year old crashed Asgard ship containing one of their genetic ancestors. Thinking the discovery of the well preserved tall, thirty thousand year old humanoid-looking Asgard could be the genetic key needed to save the Asgard race, Heimdall and other top Asgard scientists had used the humanoid to develop research hoping to fix the physiological degeneration.

The final attempt to save the Asgard left each with a rapidly progressing disease. They had been unable to cure or stop the spread of the disease that proved fatal to their entire race. They had chosen to destroy themselves in the end, ending a complete race of people.

Sam had retrieved data that proved that the Asgard had deliberately sabotaged the technology to prevent the Earthlings from ever using it. It had also destroyed her dream of giving Jon the happiness that she herself could not. She'd never told Jon how hard she'd worked to try and clone herself. She and Jack had decided not to tell him upfront, and saw no need to tell him afterwards.

Now, even though she felt very selfish every time she had the thought, she was thankful that the Asgard had destroyed the technology. She would have missed the last ten years with Jon. And to her, he was Jack. Always would be. The age thing that had bothered her forty years ago, didn't seem to bother her as much after her Jack's death. Sam had almost grieved herself to death. But having Jon as her friend had pulled her out of the bottom of the pit that she'd found herself.

Then he had gently and gradually convinced her to move on with him. It had taken him three years, but Sam just couldn't resist Jack, at any age. Besides, Jon had made it so evident that he'd never loved anyone but her. He'd never married. He'd had a few long term relationships, but nothing compared to what he and Sam shared. For Sam it was almost like having her Jack back. Almost.

But she did love Jon, as much as Jack only in a slightly different way. Jon was really easier to live with than Jack had been. Jon had never been as grumpy as Jack. He'd had to give up too much of his life and appreciated getting her back. Marrying Sam at an older age made him realize they had less time left, so he made every day count.

It wasn't that she didn't still miss Jack and the differences between her two lovers, she definitely did; but losing some one in death is finite. One either grieves endless or they move on as life doesn't stop. Sam had no doubt that if Jon hadn't hounded her for so long, she would have died soon after Jack.

But in those days Earth still needed Sam. She still had the sharpest mind and intelligence of her era. Jon had helped her to work though her pain and grief and get back into the Asgard research that she so dearly loved. He had also loved her back into health and eventually into an intimate relationship that had resulted in their marriage of the last ten years.

Jon had missed Jack as much as the rest, but he knew from personal feelings and from many talks that he and Jack had over the years that Jack wanted Sam to be happy and taken care above all else. Jack had even made Jon promise to stay near her, gave him his blessing if something more occurred between Sam and Jon.

Jon had no trouble keeping that promise. He'd told Jack over forty years ago, that he would always be there for Sam. He had meant it wholeheartedly. He was her best friend, her lover and most of all her husband. They loved each other. They had so much in common.

They had lived an extraordinary life, had done such exciting and impossible things, things that most people could only dream about. Things that no one but them and the rest of their family would even believe. They saved the world on so many occasions that they'd stopping counting. Then using developments from the Asgard tech, they had ensured that Earth would always be safe from Alien aggression.

Was it not only right that they should have the one person in the world that each loved the most and that returned such a deep love? Didn't Sam deserve to die at a very old age with Jack beside her even though it was Jack part II, Jon? And didn't Jon, who had lived through every self-sacrificing act and more than even Jack, deserve to have the only woman in the universe that he'd ever loved? It sure seemed the Real Power That Be thought so.

Loving Sam and being with her in the December part of her life seemed to heal the split that had caused two of him in the first place.

---------------------------------

She had dozed while he finished packing. When she looked up, Jon was sitting on the coffee table just watching her sleep. He smiled the smile of a lover to beloved. Sam blushed.

"Sam you're blushing, you hot? You want me to fan you?"

"Yeah, I'm hot," she said giggling.

This story is finished, but the love between Jack and Sam goes on.

_Thanks for reading and especially for all who have reviewed this. Your reviews, critics and criticisms are welcomed. _

Notes: _I'm well aware that a lot of you don't like this because of Jon. Well, Jon is one of my thorns. How dare the series writers split Jack into two separate people and then disregard the "not so important part" of him? Cloning him was a cruel act, akin to murder. As Teal'c says about the reality of the parallel universe, only the one that he's in is the one that matters. Which of the Jack's matter? They share the same mind, yet they are two separate bodies of the same person. _

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


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